8 Relationship Needs
Needs are the essential elements of life that allow us to survive and thrive. They range from basic physiological needs (water, food, shelter etc) to complex psychological needs like belonging, self-esteem and self-actualisation. In this blog we’re looking at the particular needs you might look to get from a relationship that contribute to emotional well-being and a secure connection.
What needs do we want met in a Relationship?
While everyone’s needs will differ, the following is a list of ‘needs’ that are likely to be around for most people:
Security – Feeling safe and secure in your relationship is fundamental. This means knowing you can express yourself openly without fear of judgment and that your vulnerabilities will be respected and cared for.
Valuing – We all want to feel valued, cared about, and appreciated. Feeling that your partner sees your worth and acknowledges your contributions to the relationship will help foster a strong emotional bond.
Acceptance – A healthy relationship allows you to be your authentic self. This means having the freedom to express your thoughts, interests, and individuality while knowing your partner acknowledges and accepts you for who you are.
Understanding – We need to be understood: people who know what it’s like, either first hand or empathically, to experience the kinds of things we experience.
Making an Impact – Feeling like you make a difference in your partner’s life is important. Knowing that your thoughts, actions, and emotions affect them helps us to know we are significant in the relationship.
Shared Effort – A one-sided relationship, where one partner is always initiating conversations, plans, or affection, is likely to feel exhausting and unbalanced. A healthy dynamic involves both partners taking the initiative to nurture the relationship.
Physical Intimacy –Whether through affection, touch, or sexual connection, physical intimacy usually plays a key role in maintaining a fulfilling relationship.
Shared Values and Goals – Long-term compatibility often depends on aligning in key areas of life, such as family, lifestyle, and future aspirations. While differences can enrich a relationship, having common goals and values can provide a sense of unity and direction.
When relationship needs are consistently unmet, the foundation of the relationship can become unstable. You might feel disconnected, unfulfilled, or even resentful. That’s why it’s so important to recognise your own needs and communicate them effectively with your partner.
A useful exercise is to reflect on your top three relationship needs and discuss them with your partner. Are they being met? Do you understand each other’s needs? Sometimes, unmet needs aren’t due to a lack of care but rather a lack of awareness. Open and honest communication can help bridge these gaps.
Relationships thrive when both partners feel valued, secure, and understood. If you’re struggling to communicate your needs or find balance in your relationship, Relate Avon is here to help. Our relationship counselling services offer a safe space to explore these topics and strengthen your connection.
With thanks to Erskine, Moursund, and Trautmann for their insights on relational needs.
If you’d like to explore this topic further, get in touch with us today!